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By Vince (Vince) on Tuesday, February 19, 2002 - 10:50 pm
I never expected so many things to come rushing past me out of the closet and I'm still amazed when I recall the moment that the physics of 9.8 meters per second acceleration downward seemed so slow and my mind's eye's ability to recognize and comprehend each item and call up it's meaning in mid flight seemed so much faster as I had the time to think about each one such as the game of Candyland with the hated box but the promise of a land of sweets pulling my child lusts back again and followed by a plastic cowboy hat that somehow had survived through out the years leaving me to wonder what miracle material it could possibly be made out of and look there goes my catchers mitt and I swear my two front teeth are still loose from the beaning in the jaw I took before I finally learned my hand-eye coordination and attention span weren't up to par for a career in baseball and that's followed by a plain brown box that leaks and drips out it's contents of report cards and progress reports and my whole high-school-junior high career flows before my eyes luckily with the high school years at the top of the box so they pass by first meaning I get to relive it in reverse so it flows from bad to better or D's to A's and then follows a partial explanation of that particular trend with a roach clip and hand-held coke mirror and assorted cacophony of colored pills sparking some long forgotten reptilian brain salivary gland but then it all goes black or rather some form of dark red wine as the shirt I wore the night I finally slept with Andrea Scull settles over me in a soft but completely blinding hindering blanket much as Andrea did in my life. |
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By John (John) on Wednesday, February 20, 2002 - 09:28 am
AAAAAhahahahhaa....THIS! This is good stuff. You've sectioned things off well, it's clear and compartmentalized. There's cocaphony going on, and that's well displayed by lack of punctuation. In other words, this is how it should be...I'd submit the piece without change, exercize be damned. And yet you've found a rhythm, places to pause "...up to par for a career in baseball." you just reflect for a moment, draw in meaning, and that's period enough for the reader who's actively listening. I'm very pleased. |
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By Katie (Katie) on Wednesday, February 20, 2002 - 10:39 am
Loved the feeling of time being relative in this piece, that the speaker could live through so much as the contents of the closet fall onto his body;and all in one sentence! Did anything else touch him besides the shirt? Nice fade at the end. |
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By Eithne (Eithne) on
Wednesday, February 20, 2002 - 01:10 pm
This is great. Totally engrosing. I like the way everything moves in slow motion, including the ending which finishes everthing off so nicely. I love the part about sparking the reptilian salivary gland--totally unexpected imagry--cool. |
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By Elisabeth (Elisabeth)
on Saturday, February 23, 2002 -
11:46 pm
Cool avalanche of memories and their artifacts that you have created here. I like reading the memories with their absence of sentimentalism. You've structured it so that we watch him grow up in a succession of age related artifacts until he comes of age, and then comes a sentimental part, which you can get away with totally because of the surprise element and it also occurs to me that one doesn't think of a guy holding onto a shirt for a pheremone smell, usually that's a chick thing. Or is it? It works and has a lot of appeal. |
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