Katie

Hoby Discussion Board: The Writing Armada: 1. The Sound of Your Writing - Being Gorgeous: Katie
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By Katie (Katie) on Wednesday, January 23, 2002 - 07:06 pm
Masa always lead in the white Mercedes Benz and we followed in Teru�s Toyota Chaser. Across Yokohama, around Yokohama, through Yokohama, we flew through the tiny streets with the accuracy of hummingbirds �Competent hands,� I thought as we zipped between two walls of parked cars on a shop-lined street. Still, I snapped on my safety belt; no one else seemed concerned.

Roxette�s �She�s Got the Look� played on the radio and I sang out loud. The kids rolled around in the back, sucking on hard candy, giggling and falling on Kimmie who said �WHOA!� a lot. Then, Minami reached out his sticky little fingers for his big sister�s toy. �Cho-tto ma-tte!� Haruhi yelled, one of the first Japanese phrases I learned in Japan. It means wait a minute or hold on. Said quickly, cho-tto ma-tte could slice sheets of tongue like pickled ginger, or it could be said with extended exasperation, �CHO-tto MA-tte.� Haruhi chose the latter.

I watched the signs go by, Kanji, Hiragana and Katakana. I recognized a few characters, but the words were indecipherable and began to blur. Across Yokohama, around Yokohama, through Yokohama, I had no idea where we were going. I drifted into a fantasy about my next bowl of noodles. Udon or soba, Hmmmm?

�Chotto matte, chotto matte�chooooootto maaaatte!� Haruhi yelled; Minami pierced us with a long, �EEEEEEaaaayyyyyyy!�

We zoomed past three old men on bikes. I glanced at the competent hands on the steering wheel. Teru�s cell phone began to play the theme song from Terminator 2. (Teru liked Arnold Swartzenager. Big fan!) One hand moved decisively to his breast pocket, flipped open his phone and answered, �moshimoshi.� A pause, �mmmm�mm�� Teru said. I saw Masa through the tinted glass of the Benz, hand to his ear. �Mmmm, m��..mm�mmm.� Teru closed the phone and kept on driving.

By Eithne (Eithne) on Thursday, January 24, 2002 - 09:04 am
While I was reading this Aidian (my son) was writing his name in Japanese in the condensation on the window.The local school has a Japanese program called "moshi moshi". Ahh, the latticework of coincidence....

Anyway, I loved reading this, it made me smile. I'd love to hear the writer read it because I'm sure I'm slaughtering the accent/prononciation/intonation of all those cool Japanese words.
"Could slice sheets of tounge like pickled ginger"--Brilliant.

By Anonymous on Thursday, January 24, 2002 - 10:08 am
Again and again, I could read aloud with great pleasure: "Across Yokohama, around Yokohama, through Yokohama."
...And I, too, was struck with the brilliance of: "slice sheets of tongue like pickled ginger."
...And I'm intrigued by the two cars; it makes me want to read on to find out what's going on...

By KateC (Katec) on Thursday, January 24, 2002 - 12:06 pm
Brilliant depiction of speeding through city streets with kids in the car. And the narrator just fastens seatbelt, relaxes, and thinks about noodles. I repeated "Chotto matte" out loud several times, very staccato, and it truly did sound like a knife slicing down. I like "slice sheets of tongue like pickled ginger" too. I want to read on and discover their destination.

By AlmaDea (Almadea) on Friday, January 25, 2002 - 12:50 am
I agree with all that was said above. It's a great piece.
I'd only like to add that I liked the effect of the American cars and the Roxette song in a very Japanese setting.
The whole piece reminds me of the times when I have been in a foreign place and been taken on a ride, not knowing where we are going-- just drinking in the experience, savouring the surreal cast that everything gets.

By Anonymous on Saturday, January 26, 2002 - 11:34 pm
I liked "the accuracy of hummingbirds" which nicely confirms the speed and movement of competent speedy driving here. It's fun to read for the same reason I like the current Mitsubishi car ads, cruisng fast to the beat of great music, and your words give us the beat. In the beginning you inform us that there are two cars, one following the other. That seems pertinent only with the cell phone communication that comes at the end. Is the cell phone communication an important part of your story? It makes me wonder what the broader story is here...I like it very much, fun to read.

By Anonymous on Monday, January 28, 2002 - 08:39 pm
The repetition of "Across Yokohama, around Yokohama, through Yokohama" reminded me of the use of repetition in some Far East children's stories I read as a kid. Had the same effect then, sparingly used but often enough to stick out in a wonderful, comforting way. Can't remember the names of the stories now.

The alliteration in proper name and car brand was nice, it added something subtle to the rythym that I didn't notice at first. Mention of hummingbirds and the phrase "Competent hands". I was sold with just that. And then breaking that short, day dream feel with "Still..."

By Anonymous on Thursday, January 31, 2002 - 11:51 am
The only thing I'm missing, and this may just be about what's IN the car, not around it, are the neon lights of Yokohama, and those details, in a blur, whizzing by. It's a tricky question, since what is so present are the characters....I love NOT knowing what the call was about too. "Competent hands"...awesome.

By Anonymous on Thursday, January 31, 2002 - 12:01 pm
Wow.. I liked this. With all the random scrutinization and flurry of activity, I'm surprised that the car didn't crash into something, as is the case in Vince's posting. If it were made into film or video, time would expand and compress.


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